


Napoleon Wore Tights.

by Eshnoazot



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Tights, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 10:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshnoazot/pseuds/Eshnoazot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Napoleon wore tights,” Rimmer announced passionately as he paced back and forth, “Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, General Patton. It’s clear to me now, that I must dress like the great generals, to be one of the great generals.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Napoleon Wore Tights.

“What the  _smeg_  are you wearing Rimmer?” The clearly amused scouser grinned cockily from behind his magazine, and twisted on his bunk until he was facing the man who had walked into the room. His face was half incredulous, half entertained and intrigued- and it was wholly clear that he wouldn’t give up until he had the answers he demanded.

Rimmer frowned self-consciously at Lister’s words, but deflected it and stood just a tad taller with a smug expression, “Tight’s Listy- I don’t expect you, and your simple mind, to understand the height of fashion and military intelligence behind such a design.”

“What intelligence?” Lister scoffed, he swung his legs over the bunk and eyed the hologram suspiciously.

“Obviously a term you’re not familiar with,” Rimmer strode into the center of the room; his legs were clad in blue tights- obviously chosen to match his usual blue jacket-tunic-thing. “All the great military men used tights; they couldn’t be sitting around- freezing their leg hair off when there were battles to be won, great campaigns to be planned and battle strategies to be drawn!”

“So yer gonna prance around in women’s hosiery like a smegger?” Lister snorted, “S’pose it’s not a problem for Alexander the Great’s chief eunuch.”

“You may laugh  _M’laddo_ , but mark my words, these will help me on my way to greatness.” Rimmer announced, “It can hardly be a coincidence that all the greatest strategic masterminds found themselves drawn to this intelligent design.”

“Yer but who were wearing the tights they were attracted to?” Lister blinked, and snorted as he realized that Rimmer’s tights had a very noticeable codpiece.

“Napoleon wore tights,” Rimmer announced passionately as he paced back and forth, “Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, General Patton. It’s clear to me now, that I must dress like the great generals, to be one of the great generals.”

“ _Napoleon wore tights?_ ” Lister mimicked, “Rimmer mate, he was  _French_.”

“Lister, he was one of the greatest military masterminds in Earth’s History!”

“Yer’ll have blueballs by the end of the day, smeghead.” Lister snorted, and relaxed back into his bunk to continue the well-read Batman comic. “No bastard willingly wears  _hosiery_.”

Rimmer made a noise of frustration, that quickly turned into a smug laugh of satisfaction, “Perhaps I need to come down to your level of comprehension;  _Batman_  wore tights, Listy.”

The sound of the last humans frustrated scoff was only drowned out by a gleeful holograms laughter.


End file.
